纪念
I just opened my eyes this morning and wanted to see the website and came across all the new entries from people that loved you and all it can make me do is cry. I think about you every minute, my heart aches for you every second and life with out you is something I can not get used to. We're all trying to keep going but I have to be honest and say it's near impossible. We can all sit around and laugh from time to time but we're all feeling the same hurt as we felt the day you passed. I sat here last night talking to Nicole and said the words "I can believe I don't have a mom anymore" and hearing the words out loud ripped me apart. You were so wonderful in every aspect of being a mom and having that taken away from me at 28, just isn't right. I need you Gailey, as you know I always needed you. I need to talk to you, I need all the support you've given me throughout the years, I need to hear that you're proud of me (you were my number one fan and now your gone), I need advice, I need my mother's love....long story short, I need you. Nothing can ever replace you and this void is a feeling that I know will never go away. You were not only my mom, but my best friend and God took you away...why, why, why is still a question I wonder every day. I know everyone says there's a reason and he needed you but guess what...we needed you too. If possible, please just help guide me to make the right decisions in life. There's times I have something going on and will sit back and think, what would my Gailey say or think about this and it helps me make my decisions. Mom, everyone says, the first year after losing someone is the hardest, some people say it took 5 years for me to stop crying over my lost one, I can tell you that because you are/were who you were, I'm confident I will feel the way I feel today, forever. If you can see me, I beg for you to not be sad to see me cry and hurt for you so much. As you would want for us, I want for you...please just stay happy and wait for me to get there and hug you again. There's certain pictures I have up of me and you hugging that I can look at and honestly remember what it felt like to touch your skin and get a good hug. Anyway, I can go on for pages, so I will stop here and leave off with you were an amazing mom and woman, life will never be the same without you & I miss you and love you terribly.
As the last 6 months have gone by the pain of your loss has gotten worse. I look at my children and feel so bad for them and what they are missing out on. You were a wonderful grandmother and they were so lucky to have you. You did so many fun things with them and always made them laugh. Even with your bad knees you still got on the LIRR to get to our house. We still keep your nightgown in my pj drawer awaiting for your sleepover. It will always stay there. The girls and I take it out and talk about you and we all hold it. Even Cassidy knows it is yours. I told your sisters that having your as a grandmother made all three girls rich..then you died and they dropped from rich to poor so fast but your sisters have picked them up...they will never be rich again..but they will never be poor. I know you are proud of what they are doing. These girls have lost so much and everyone that really knows you is aware of your relationship that you had wit these girls and how you felt about them. No one can or ever will take your place. You are an awesome person that has touched and enrichmed my life in so many ways I can't even begin to start to explain. Your unconditional love for your family was incredible. I thank you for making me a part of that and treating me wonderful. You have done so much for me and now you are doing something for me that I will forever be grateful for..that is loving my sons and giving them what the girls had when you were here with them. I will continue to keep your spirit alive in their hearts and will never stop feeling your loss and will forever love you with all my heart!!! Until we meet again, please continue to shine over us and protect us. YOu are doing a great job..as usual. Sending you great big kisses and a big kiss to my sons as well. Hold them tight for me and tell them their mommy loves them with all of her heart. You and I have talked about them so much and I know you are conveying my feelings to them. How you helped me through that..I will never forget! I love you!
What's Up? What's Up? I miss saying that to u & after I said that u would laugh histerical. Patsy wrote alot of what I am feeling & so true. It helped alot that u came threw with Kelly, knowing that I am going to see u again. But why am I crying so much now while I am typing this & at work no less. I also was thinking that maybe u were in so much pain (your knees, who knows where else & u would not say) & that is why God took you from us. I just hate what u had to go threw in the hospital, close coffin (u would of wanted it open, u know how u loved funerals). Please help Big Eddie, Eddie, Brian, Kelly & Nicole get stronger. All of u up there help Barbara. Love & Miss You So Much.
Hi Gail,
I wrote a little note on the Candle section but it was not enough space for me ha-ha. I thought today for the 28th but it is the 29th. I guess that is the part of getting older ha-ha. It really does seem just like yesterday that I was at Eddie and Rosa wedding and talking to you from outside the Wedding Hall.
That was the last time that we spoke to each other. I spoke a lot to you in the Intensive Care Unit I know that you heard me and just could not answer me. I prayed so hard that you would have come out of there alive and on your way to getting better. I just did not want to beleive that you were not going to make it.
I knew that if anyone could make it through all of that it would be you. You loved everyone to much to ever give up. I know that God took you not to make you suffer and took you with him so that you could be everyones Gardian Angel. So I know that you are up there watching us all. And I know that you are smiling at us.
It is very tough though being here without you. Things are just not the same a party is not a party without you there. Everyone is trying though because they know that you want people to have fun and enjoy life.
I know that you are watching so you do see that everyone is trying their hardest to keep going on the way you would always want us too. Just sometimes it is a little harder than other times. And now it will be your husbands 60th and I think that he needs you too help him get through this one.
I know that you are Very Happy that all the kids are taking him away for a few days. And that they are having a party for him. You alway kept them close to each other and you did a Great job of that even though it might have been a little hard sometimes ha-ha.
If they gave out awards for being a Special person I know that you would have so many for Best everything. I love you Gail Thanks for always being there for all of and making our world a better one because you were a big part of it.
Just keep watching over us. And one day we will see each other again and than it will be forever. Please give everyone up there a big Hug and Kiss for me. Miss you lots. Talk to you soon.
Hi Gail,
Well right about now I would be calling you or you would be calling me to see that we made it into work ok. This is our first day so far getting this much snow. I know the kids will be happy about it. I am just thankful that it is Friday. I know that you are happy knowing now that Eddie is going to have a 60th party. We all know that it will be a difficult one not having you here to Celebrate with him. I know that you will be there making sure that everyone has a nice time. I know and so do you how much he misses you.
It's a shame that you don't get to know how much you are really loved until your gone. I know that you know everyone loved you but I don't think that even you knew just how much ha-ha. I miss you so much and our talks I know I talk to you everynight for a few minutes. It of course is not the same. But it does help just to talk to you.
Well I guess since I did come to work I should do some ha-ha. So I will talk to you later. Love you lots!
Hello My Friend,
I know that you had to be laughing yesterday when you saw me not only putting on the ear muffs you bought me but gloves and before that leg warmers that Margaret bought me Ha-ha. I know you kept nagging about me dressing warm in the cold weather because I was getting older and needed to stay healthy. So I could just see you laughing and saying that a girl Patsy about time you listened to me.
Of course you were right I was nice and warm and it really felt good especially yesterday ha-ha. You don't know how much I wish I could have said that to you in person. Love and miss you lots and lots.
Hi Gail,
Well as you know we went to the Cemetery on Sunday and than we went to your house. I wanted to see how my Brother was doing and Kelly since I did not see him in a while and the last couple of times that I went Kelly was out so we did not see her.
I know you were watching but I will tell you anyway Eddie looks a little thin but he looked a little better than the time before and we did get to see Kelly at first she looked kind of sad (which is natural after coming from the Cemetery) but by the time we left she looked a little better. We also got to see Eddie, Rosa and Kayla.
So I was happy that I got to see for myself how everyone is doing. Maybe next time I will get to see Brian and Debbie and the girls. I know soon it will be six months that you are gone. You broke a lot of hearts leaving us all. I miss you so much as well as everyone else.
It is so hard to believe that you are gone the only thing that keeps me going sometimes is knowing what good company you are with and knowing that we will be together again one day.
I know you got to spend my Mom's Birthday with her I hope you gave her a hug and kiss from me. My Dad's Birthday will be on the 19th so maybe you can also give him a big hug and kiss for me.
Jeanette's Birthday is today and Mae's will be on the 17th and than we have Ruben's on the 23rd. I know they are going to miss that Happy Birthday call from you.
I just wanted you to know that I am always thinking of you. Love you lots and I will talk to you soon as I am doing this from work so I better finish before they see me ha-ha.
Talk to you soon my Friend!
Hi Gail,
I tried just lighting a candle and leaving a short message but it was too short so I am writing here also. I know that the 28th was 5 months since you left. It seems like time is just flying by. And yet it is still so hard to beleive that you are gone. I miss you so much and even though I talk to you almost everynight it just does not seem like enough.
I will be at the Cemetary to put flowers on Feburary 10th for my Mom's birthday but I will also put some by you. I know it is going to be a lot of partying in Heaven for the month of February so you will have to give everyone a big kiss and hug for me and wish them all a Happy Birthday and Anniversary.
I know you have to be pretty busy being with everyone up there and having to keep and eye on everyone down here lol. It is nice knowing that you are watching us and making all the bad things turn out good.
I know now that I have to behave and only do good things to make sure that I get to go to Heaven and be with everyone when it is my time. Sometimes though being good is hard to do. I am trying as you can see.
Love you and miss you lots and lots. I will see my Brother on the 10th also we are going to your House after the Cemetary. Since I do not have you around to tell me how everyone is doing I have to find out myself. So I am going to see him and make sure he is doing ok.
I know that one of the things you wanted most was for us to be close with your family well I know that you now know that is finally happening. So I know you are Happy about that since you can't tell us what is happening we are keeping in touch with everyone too see how thinks are going.
I will talk to you soon!
Hi Gail,
I just wanted to say Thank you for the ear muffs that you bought me last year. I can just see the look on your face seeing me wearing them. I do have to admit they stopped my ears from freezing lol of course again you were right that I was getting older and could no longer go out in the cold without something on my head and ears. I guess you sent the ear muffs because you knew I just was not ready for a hat lol.
I think that I only wore them because it was the last thing that you gave me and of course the real cold weather helped a little lol. I can't tell you how much I miss you just that it is really alot. But that you know that don't you.
I am so glad that everything went well for everyone so far this year. And I know with you watching we have nothing to worry about anymore. I took my defensive driving course with Mae yesterday. I know you were watching us and laughing.
Well my friend I will talk to you soon. Please give everyone up there a Big kiss for me. Love you lots and lots.
HI Gail,
I only have a half hour lunch today so I thought I would stay inside and spend it with you. As you know Eddie and Rosa's surgery came out good. I know you had something to do with that and how Happy you must be that everyone is ok.
I know that it is Eddie's Birthday and even though you can not be here in person or on the telephone that you are at his house celebrating with him. I am trying to think of things to say to you but it is kind of hard as now you can see everything all of the time. And you know what is happening all over. Nobody can keep anything hidden anymore.
I miss you so much you should have not been so good than maybe it would be easierto deal with right now ha-ha. We bought Gabby her new bed last night did you see how excited she got. I know you did and I could just see your Big Smile.
I love you lots and I know that one day we will be together again. I will talk to you soon my friend. In the meantime keep up the good work of keeping everyone safe and sound.
Hi Gail,
Well it is New Years Eve it is almost 9:40 PM and soon it will be Midnight. And we will be in a New Year 2008. So I thought since I decided to stay home tonight with Gabby and Jimmy I would get on the computer and talk to my FRIEND. Since I know this is the closest that we can get tonight.
I do have to admit that I am happy that the Holidays are over it has been very tough for everyone without you here with us. Even though we know that you are watching over all of us. That has to be a pretty tough job with so many people to watch over. I bet even you did not know how much you were loved by everyone until now. Even with your web site you have almost 1950 people visiting it and that is only for the past four months.
I know that you knew that the family loved your and some friends too. You are so Special to so many people. I can only speak for myself I always loved you and you know that you were always so much more than a Sister in law. You were a Sister, FRIEND, and so much more. I thank God for giving us those 44 years of Friendship I know you were an Angel in discuise.
As you can see I have the picture that Kelly gave me with you Smiling and waving your hand hello on the wall above my computer next to my Mom's.
picture.
I have to tell you something I can just see you up there with the rest of my family and yours and Friends. I know that you are having a much better New Years Eve Party up there than any of us are having down here right now. So until it is my time to join that party. I just want to wish you and everyone up there a Happy New Year. Please give everyone a kiss for me up there and save one for yourself.
I love you and miss you with all my heart it helps to know that your not hurting anymore and that you are always going to be watching over us. And in time you are going to help everyone get on with their lives and be Happy. As you will always live in everyones heart and never be forgotten.
So Friend it is 10 PM and time to put Gabby to bed she is sending a hug and kiss too. I will be looking out the window at Midnight with a Toast to you. Talk to you soon. Goodnight for now.
Hi Gail,
Well Christmas is over I know that you were watching all of us. So I know that you know no matter how hard we tried it was a very sad one. But thanks for helping us get through it. I tried to write here for a couple of days but it would not go through until now.
I have been thinking of you and my Brother and all of the kids and being able to still see that Smile on your face helped me get through the Holidays. And now we just have to get past the New Year.
You know how hard it is to try to play the Happy part when you just lost a loved one. I keep getting all of these flashbacks of all the things that we shared over the years. The sad times and the happy times. The times that we just felt like giving up and just saying the hell with it. Somehow together we were always able to keep things going. We would get our fustrations out and than we would laugh.
I remembered when Kelly was getting married and you were so excited about the Horse and Carraige she was in and when she came down the street you said to me a Beautiful Princess that's my Kelly and we laughed. I also remember you were afraid that someone would beep their horn and disturb the horse and she could get hurt.
Your moving and getting a House together you were so Happy. We know now how well that worked out. I want to talk to my Brother but I don't know what to say so as you know I go to visit and just talk nonsence stuff but at least we are together.
When I went to the Cemetery on Sunday I only brought that small Christmas thing with Santa as I know you would have a lot of things there. I miss you so much I find it hard to believe that in two days you will be gone four months already.
I miss you so much my Friend and love you lots! So please send my love to everyone up there and I will talk to you soon.
Hello My Friend,
Kelly said I can write as much as I want so that is just what I am going to do. You know that this is the time of year for us to talk about only having six days left to shop and no time to finish ha-ha. Well I am in even bigger trouble this year. As so far I have not shopped at all I know I better hurry up or Christmas will just pass by. And since I know you are watching I will of course do the right thing.
I finally sent out Christmas cards two days ago. I wanted to send you one I thought that maybe I can email on to Gail@Heaven.com and in it I would say Merry Christmas to My Best Friend and all my Family and Friends that I know you are with now. I know that Christmas in Heaven has to be Beautiful and that the only Gift is a real Treasure Love. I also know that if you had a choice it would have been to be here with everyone that you love.
Well we all miss you so much and as much as we all miss you. We all know that one day we will all be spending Christmas in Heaven together in time. So we are all going to try to make you proud of us by getting through Christmas and the New Year and making sure that your Grandkids have a Great Holiday. So please give everyone a kiss and hug forme and keep a Big one for yourself. Talk to you soon.
Love you lots and lots.
Hi Gail,
I am sitting here thinking about you a lot and of the family. Christmas will be here in eleven Days. I know you always made Christmas Great for the Grandkids and Eddie and your kids. You always made every Holiday a Special one and made everyone feel Special too. The only thing that you ever wanted is for them to be Happy.
You know how hard that is going to be this year without you. We all need your help to make this at least a passable one for everyone. I know that you can't be too happy that Kelly and my Brother are going to stay home by themselves and if you were here you would have a fit. Can you try to give everyone a sign that you are ok. And that Christmas in Heaven is Beautiful. I know you are ok because I know that it was you that made sure everyone was safe during the fire at Tony's house.
I know you will be happy that I got a raise yesterday at work. I wanted to pick up the telephone and tell you. And than I realized that you are watching so you already know I can just see your smile and you telling me right on Patsy! I guess I should get back to work. I love you so much Thank you for ALWAYS being a GREAT part of my life. I will talk to you soon.
Try to give your Family some sort of a sign they really need it. In the mean time I will wish you a Merry Christmas on Christmas morning like always. I will also have a toast at midnight on New Years Eve wishing you a Happy one in Heaven.
Love you!
I know that this is supposed to be for memories but I hate going into the candle part and have to write what I want to write in 130 letters that is fine sometimes but not always. I know that we go back 44 years and there are so many memories that we have and one day I will put some in this column.
I know that you are in a much better place with all of the people that you loved and lost and that you are watching over us every minute of each day. They say that everything happens for a reason but I am having a problem figuring this one out. I thought for sure we were going to grow old together. Spend a lot of time with each other after we retire. When you were in the hospital I prayed to God everynight to please make you better and bring you back to your family. And than I started to think that maybe if you would have come out of it you would be very sick and have to suffer alot and because you were so GOOD he took you instead to a much better place where we will all meet again one day.
I love you and miss you so very much and I know that I am being selfish wanting to keep you here. The Holidays are here and it is just not the same withour my Best Buddy here. I know now that one of the reasons that I have never been afraid of dying is because I know when it is my time you and all the others will be there with me. I can only imagine what Christmas in Heaven must be like. Especally now that they have a Very Special Angle up there.
I will talk to you again soon. I know if there is a way for you to help your family have a Good Christmas and New Year you will. Because that is what you would want everyone not to be too sad.
Love You!
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